I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
