my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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