Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
