This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
