Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she told me i tasted like america
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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