Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
