So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
