You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
