I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
