Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
