I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
