ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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