maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
