How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
