go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
