As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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