You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
