o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
