i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
