my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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