Nicole vs. Life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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