What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
