I need help removing her.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
