please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
