I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
