1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
