i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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