This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
