my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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