he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
