I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
