That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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