I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
