I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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