I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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