i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
