I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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