god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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