we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
