Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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