I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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