I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
