well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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