I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
