I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
