So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
