booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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