Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
