# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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