I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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