Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
