She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
