Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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